Monday, March 17, 2008

Adoption and it's hard moments

As many of you know-our girls are adopted from Russia. Adoption is very dear to my heart obviously. There are many tender sweet moments, there are also difficult, hard, sad moments.

We go through highs and lows and sometimes when we are in the middle of a low and there is lots of testing happening a mom knows that there is something else going on other than just testing limits.

This time I had that feeling and I was right. I was talking with Arianna to see if I could gain any insights into what she was feeling lately and she started sobbing and finally told me that a boy
(who it is taking every muscle in my body to not give some adjectives to describe how I feel about this child!)
on her bus found out that she and Halle were adopted from Russia and proceeded to tease her in front of other kids on the bus that she just came from a factory!

Arghhhhhhhhhh- my heart just hurt for her. We've been very open with the girls about their adoption right from the start, but sometimes when moments like this happen I don't know that I am happy with how I answered her.

I told her that adoption is very special. Actually mom and dad are adopted also- into God's family. I told her that God has a plan for all of our lives and His plan is perfect! I also told her that I think that kids that tease her about being adopted are just jealous because she has such a cool story to tell about how we became a family.

I didn't know what else to say to her. She stopped crying, but I'm not convinced that she was satisfied with that answer.

I know that all kids get teased, but as a mom, I just hate it. She's at such a tender age right now, trying to find her way in life and when kids say such mean, hurtful things it really affects her!

Any of you have any other ideas I could tell her?





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20 comments:

Nate and Brenda said...

My heart hurts for Anna. We had this same thing happen with Nikolas. We just told him to tell the person how proud he is that he Russian. Nikolas did tell the boy that he was proud of who he is and the person has not teased him since then. We have also told Nikolas the same thing you did. Adoption is very special and we are all adopted into Gods family. Its a tough subject but tell Arianna if it happens again to let them know that she is proud of being Russian and she could even ask the boy if he is proud of who he is? This defnately explains a lot as Nikolas was really have a bad time of things when we finally got it out of him too.

Bonnie said...

Oh Cheri, I think you answered perfectly !!

Jennifer said...

Have you prayed with her for the boy who was making fun of her that God would bring understanding to him. The only reason he would make fun of her is because he doesn't understand and that somehow makes him uncomfortable about it. Maybe also pray that he would feel how wonderful adoption is that he might be adopted into God's family.
How wonderful that she was able to open up to you and not keep it inside. Praise God that she trusts you enough to share all of her hurts with you.
Smiles!

Terri said...

oooh - that is so frustrating! I'm sure something like that will happen to Shaelyn in the future too and it will break my heart as well. You did answer as best as possible and hopefully he will stop it.

Angela @ Refresh My Soul Blog said...

I think what you said was perfect! I hate to see teasing too. But remember, hurt people hurt people. You never know what is going on in that kids home.

SO sorry to hear that. Praying peace and comfort for your sweet, sweet, girl!
Much Love,
Angela

Mari said...

I think you answered her just perfectly. I think she has an amazing story and we are all so blessed to have her (and Halle and Shaelyn) in our family! It makes them all the more special!

Diane said...

I think you gave a very good answer for her and showed her that she is very special to you and to God. I'm not sure if this would be good for kids to tell other kids or not but - kids that are adopted are actually chosen by their parents to be in their family, not just born into it. Kinda like we are chosen by God to be in His family too.

Sandra said...

Oh my heart breaks for her, I can't stand seeing a child being bullied or teased, it frustrates me to no end.

We go out of our way to teach our children to be respectful of others and treat everyone right....

I think you gave her a really good answer.

A Stone Gatherer said...

Cheri, I am with everyone else! You did a great job! Continue to encourage her to talk to you and let you know how she's feeling, that may bring more out in time. I agree with Jen to pray for this boy. I had to talk to Jeremiah once about a boy who did something really awful to him. I told him we needed to pray for him because we don't know what is going on in his house that would make him do something like that! I told him it may not change that boy, but it will change you (that's part of the great thing about intercessory prayer). Teasing is awful and I so wish we could shelter our kids from it, but alas that is not to be. We just need to build them up in the Lord, and to continue to help them find their strength in him! give Arianna and Halle a huge HUG for me!!!!!

Deborah said...

I agree...your answer was perfect! Kids can be so mean!

Dena said...

God bless her tiny heart! I am sort of wondering when that's gonna happen in our house - there is a little girl from Guat and everytime I mention her I say "she's from Guatemala" and Annie says "me too" and then she says "so is abby!" hahahaha - I think you did a good job ~ I mean what do you say? I think in time they will all figure out how very much they are loved and what we had to go through to get their little smiling faces home to us! I personally think adoptive parents rock and adoptive children are the cherry on God's cake!
Call that bad boy's momma and cuss her out (hahahahah - JK)

Karen said...

I think you answered perfectly and very wisely. Children can be so thoughtless and mean. Can I come over and punch them on the nose?

~Just A Thought Ginger said...

Some things in life just aren't fair. As moms we sure hurt for our kids.

When Jen was young there was a boy giving her crap in the bus everyday. Come to find out it was our neighbor boy right next door. Thankfully we had a principle at school who handled the boy very well. We reminded Jen of her worth and this boys insecurities.

You are a wonderful mom and did a great job with your answer. I love Jennifer's idea to pray with her as well. We know pray always works.

Keep pressing on!

I have a good life said...

Oh, how sad. You are such a great mom! :)

Cherdecor said...

Cheri, you handled it WELL! You are a great mom! The Lord gave you the wisdom and the words to deal with it and this situation will build confidence in her life because you and she are working it through together. God bless you!

Michelle said...

i agree you told her a great answer.hugs to all..

Michelle said...

i agree you told her a great answer.hugs to all..

Michelle said...

i agree you told her a great answer.hugs to all..

Mel's World said...

Seriously Cheri, I think you handled it beautifully. I am sure that there are some very wise women out there with some sage advice for you, but I just wanted you to know that you did great (in not calling that boy names, and in how you handled it). Well Done!

Laura said...

Oh... that makes me so angry. I wish I could ride the bus with them and protect them. Although if that was allowed you would already be the first one on huh? I think you answered as well as you could. There's usually nothing that can heal those kind of hurts instantly. But she knows you love her, and of course we all love both of them like crazy too - I can't imagine if they had never become part of the family - there would be a big hole. I wish I could give her a hug right now.