Friday, September 07, 2007

The scary conversation

Last week I took the girls to crazy bounce for a fun outing. On the car ride when we were done Arianna told me that I had really been good to them that week. I was surprised and told her thank you for noticing- because I feel like alot of time they just take it for granted to do fun things. A few minutes later Halle pipes up from the back seat- "yes- I think you're a lot better than our other mom" (meaning their birth mom)
It caught me off gaurd and before I could respond Arianna looks me square in the eyes and says to me "Why was it that my other mom gave me away?"
big gulp on my part......
We've had this conversation before- we've always been totally upfront with the girls about the fact that they're adopted. It doesn't help though that we've talked about this before- my stomach always drops. I feel like I want to be so careful with this conversation- I don't want to mess this very sensitive topic up!
I stopped the van and we had a conversation that went something like: It wasn't that your mom didn't want you- she loved you so much that she knew that she couldn't give you a good home and be the mommy that you needed. And the really wonderful thing was that God knew that you were going to need a family and that we were going to need a Arianna and He had that all worked out already for us!
I can tell that she's been thinking about this alot lately- I feel like she's testing me right now to see if I really love her.
I debated for many days whether I should post about this or not but my conclusion was that someday down the road I hope Arianna reads this post and will see that I did love her and do love her even through the rough times and I'm so blessed to have her as my daughter!

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Trish said...

Hi, I love your blog. Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day! I will be adding you to my daily reads and my blog roll!

We have a lot in common besides being stay at home moms with lots O kids ;) Both of my Dad's brothers adopted kids from Russia. 3 All together.

I really loved the way you talked to your daughter about it. That communcation bond is key, she will never forget it when she gets older!

Be Inspired Always said...

That's a wonderful way to communicate your love for her.

To me it didn't sound as if you rehearsed it over and over, it felt natural and from your heart which makes it even more special.


Laura said...

It is a scary topic, but as I tell anyone who asks me about it, unless the topic comes up, I usually forget that Anna, Halle, or Shaelyn are even adopted. They're completely a part of the family, just like the rest of us. And I can't even imagine what our lives would be like without them. I love the three of them like crazy and I'm so glad too that their birth mom made the right decision for their lives.

Terri said...

You gave the right answer. I do wonder when Shaelyn will start up with those questions.

Mari said...

I second Laura's comments. I do tell people that I have adopted nieces, but in my mind, it really makes them more special! They were all really searched for, waited for and anticipated. I love them all!

Brenda Y said...

Great answer Cheri!!! I keep thinking my kids will ask this too but so far none of them have. Strange.

Dena said...

WOW! Annie is adopted too and I keep wondering when that will start - How old were the girls when you got them home? Annie was only 9 months - people are always saying "where'd she get the dark hair" so I say she's adopted - I didn't want it to be a secret.. I will be glad to see how you and Terri do things so I can follow the leader!

Just Another Day In Paradise said...

Both of my girls were 12 months- but Arianna was only 12 pounds and acted like a 3 month old.
I pray I handle these conversations in a way that gives them peace about being adopted- we'll find out as we go along!